im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
