hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
