I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
