Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
