Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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