my room smells like sperm. sweet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i've created a new STD.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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