I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
