Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
