if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
