Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
