he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
