im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
