she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
