Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
