I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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