As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
