I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
