Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
