I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
