That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
