Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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