Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
