I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
