it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
