We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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