Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have post one night stand depression
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
