I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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