What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
