I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
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think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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