In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
