Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
