this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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