Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
