I never want to see another naked old woman again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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