That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The air was thick with penises
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
