Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
