I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
