Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize
