And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
