I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
