he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
