i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
