i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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