this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
