OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
