Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
nutella sex= disaster
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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How external is "for external use only"?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's get the cat blown out
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