this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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