I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
