I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
