i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
