This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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