No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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