I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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