dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
