I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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