I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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