Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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