I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
