i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
PANTIES FOUND
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