omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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