THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
