dude i'm inner monologue high
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So much rum. So many feels.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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