there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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