Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize