I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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