My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Drunk is a universal language darling
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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