Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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