she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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