he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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